mirror of
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A set of diffs to bring the new murphy into line with the
fortune/Notes fortmatting instructions. Also fix a couple typos. I did a bit of this, by Cy Schubert did most of it. Thanks Cy!
This commit is contained in:
parent
39758512e0
commit
de79c0b6c6
Notes:
svn2git
2020-12-20 02:59:44 +00:00
svn path=/head/; revision=60993
@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ man until he submerges.
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The deficiency will never show itself during the test runs.
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%
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The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found
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in the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting
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in the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting.
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%
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It is impossible to build a fool proof system;
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because fools are so ingenious.
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@ -36,7 +36,7 @@ multiple interpretations.
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The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by
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the paper clip of the overlying memo and go to file.
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%
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On successive charts of the same organization the number of
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On successive charts of the same organization, the number of
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boxes will never decrease.
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%
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It is ok to be ignorant in some areas,
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@ -58,8 +58,8 @@ Leakproof seals --- will.
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Never offend people with style
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when you can offend them with substance.
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%
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Our customers paperwork is profit
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our own paperwork is loss.
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||||
Our customers' paperwork is profit.
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Our own paperwork is loss.
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%
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At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
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%
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@ -111,7 +111,7 @@ Interchangeable parts --- won't.
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Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of
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faults is proportional to the number of viewers.
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%
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All american cars are basically chevrolets.
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All American cars are basically Chevrolets.
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%
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A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not
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take place.
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@ -187,18 +187,18 @@ Make it possible for programmers to write programs
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in english and you will find that programmers cannot
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||||
write in english.
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||||
%
|
||||
When more and more people are thrown out of work
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||||
When more and more people are thrown out of work,
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unemployment results.
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%
|
||||
If you can't measure it, i'm not interested.
|
||||
If you can't measure it, I'm not interested.
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||||
%
|
||||
The best way to lie is to tell the truth.....
|
||||
carefully edited truth.
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||||
%
|
||||
There are three ways to get things done:
|
||||
Do it yourself,
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Hire someone to do it, or
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Forbid your kids to do it.
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||||
(1) Do it yourself,
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||||
(2) Hire someone to do it, or
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||||
(3) Forbid your kids to do it.
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%
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I think ... therefore I am confused.
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%
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@ -229,7 +229,7 @@ Flynn is dead
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||||
Tron is dead
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long live the MCP.
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%
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||||
Why worry about tomorrow? we may not make it through today!
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||||
Why worry about tomorrow? We may not make it through today!
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||||
%
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||||
Real programmers don't number paragraph names
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consecutively.
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@ -266,8 +266,8 @@ Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
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||||
%
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||||
Real programmers understand Pascal.
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%
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||||
Real programmers know it's not operations
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||||
fault if their jobs go into "hogs."
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Real programmers know it's not operations'
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||||
fault if their jobs go into "hogs".
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||||
%
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||||
Real programmers do not eat breakfast from the
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||||
vending machines.
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||||
@ -363,8 +363,10 @@ Hard enough to make water run uphill.
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||||
Avoid reality at all costs.
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||||
%
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||||
Program design philosophy:
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Start at the beginning and continue until the end,
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then stop. (Lewis Carroll)
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||||
Start at the beginning and continue until the end,
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||||
then stop.
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-- Lewis Carroll
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%
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A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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%
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@ -375,8 +377,8 @@ Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
|
||||
In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level,
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the greater the confusion.
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||||
%
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The first time is for love
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||||
the next time is $200.
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The first time is for love.
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||||
The next time is $200.
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%
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||||
Of two possible events,
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only the undesired one will occur.
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@ -566,7 +568,7 @@ When all else fails, read the instructions.
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||||
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than
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you thought.
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%
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||||
Close counts in horseshoes, handgrenades and
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||||
"Close" only counts in horseshoes, handgrenades and
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||||
thermonuclear devices.
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||||
%
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||||
The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
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@ -589,7 +591,8 @@ it needed replacing anyway.
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||||
%
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||||
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which,
|
||||
when you looked at it in the right way, did not become
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||||
still more complicated. Poul Anderson
|
||||
still more complicated.
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||||
-- Poul Anderson
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%
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||||
Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath
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to the exact center.
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@ -639,15 +642,13 @@ Everything is revealed to he who turns over enough stones.
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||||
(Including the snakes that he did not want to find.)
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%
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||||
Everybody should believe in something;
|
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I believe i'll have another drink.
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I believe I'll have another drink.
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%
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||||
Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
|
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%
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||||
Build a system that even a fool can use,
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and only a fool will use it.
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||||
%
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||||
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
|
||||
%
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||||
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
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%
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||||
It's always the wrong time of the month.
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@ -664,7 +665,7 @@ when the garbage truck is two doors away.
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||||
Misery no longer loves company
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nowdays it insists on it.
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%
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the race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the
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||||
The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the
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||||
strong, but that's the way to bet.
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%
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Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.
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@ -687,12 +688,6 @@ Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
|
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%
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||||
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
|
||||
%
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||||
When you're up to your nose .......,
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||||
be sure to keep your mouth shut.
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||||
%
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||||
One's life tends to be like a beaver's,
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||||
one dam thing after another.
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||||
%
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||||
A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
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||||
%
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||||
The ratio of time involved in work to time available for
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@ -707,7 +702,7 @@ knows it for he shall enjoy living.
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||||
Everything east of the San Andreas fault will evenutally
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plunge into the Atlantic ocean.
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%
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I finally got it all together.....
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||||
I finally got it all together ...
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||||
but I forgot where I put it.
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||||
%
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||||
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
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||||
@ -726,8 +721,6 @@ If it can be borrowed and it can be broken,
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you will borrow it and
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you will break it.
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%
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||||
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
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||||
%
|
||||
Live within your income,
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||||
even if you have to borrow to do so.
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||||
%
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||||
@ -743,7 +736,7 @@ Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
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%
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||||
A bird in the hand is dead.
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||||
%
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||||
A smith and wesson beats four aces.
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||||
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
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||||
%
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||||
Never put all your eggs in your pocket.
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||||
%
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||||
@ -796,7 +789,7 @@ Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion
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||||
if it did occur, will occur.
|
||||
%
|
||||
When you are right be logical,
|
||||
When you are wrong be-fuddle.
|
||||
when you are wrong be-fuddle.
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||||
%
|
||||
For every human problem, there is a neat, plain solution --
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and it is always wrong.
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||||
@ -828,7 +821,7 @@ Left to themselves, all things go from bad to worse.
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%
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||||
If you see that there are four possible ways in which a
|
||||
procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a
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||||
fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develope.
|
||||
fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Things get worse under pressure.
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||||
%
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||||
@ -902,9 +895,6 @@ If you can't measure output then you measure input.
|
||||
Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of
|
||||
approximate, additional assumptions.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Old scottish prayer: O Lord, grant that we may always be
|
||||
right, for thou knowest we will never change our minds.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Never be first to do anything.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
|
||||
@ -948,7 +938,7 @@ If you can't convince them, confuse them.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups.
|
||||
%
|
||||
All general statements are false. (think about it)
|
||||
All general statements are false. (Think about it.)
|
||||
%
|
||||
If it happens, it must be possible.
|
||||
%
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||||
@ -1005,12 +995,12 @@ Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
|
||||
%
|
||||
1. Everything depends.
|
||||
2. Nothing is always.
|
||||
3. Everything is sometimes.
|
||||
(1) Everything depends.
|
||||
(2) Nothing is always.
|
||||
(3) Everything is sometimes.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you wait, it will go away
|
||||
....having done it's damage.
|
||||
... having done it's damage.
|
||||
If it was bad, it'll be back.
|
||||
%
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||||
Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand
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||||
@ -1024,7 +1014,7 @@ world's composed of aluminum and vinyl.
|
||||
%
|
||||
In order for something to become clean, something
|
||||
else must become dirty.
|
||||
...but you can get everything dirty without getting
|
||||
... but you can get everything dirty without getting
|
||||
anything clean.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
|
||||
@ -1080,12 +1070,12 @@ lane.
|
||||
Whenever you cut your fingernails you will find a
|
||||
need for them an hour later.
|
||||
%
|
||||
1. If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance
|
||||
will be down.
|
||||
2. If the weather is extremely good, church attendance
|
||||
will be down.
|
||||
3. If the bulletin covers are in short supply church
|
||||
attendance will exceed all expectations.
|
||||
(1) If the weather is extremely bad, church
|
||||
attendance will be down.
|
||||
(2) If the weather is extremely good, church
|
||||
attendance will be down.
|
||||
(3) If the bulletin covers are in short supply
|
||||
church attendance will exceed all expectations.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If a situation requires undivided attention, it will
|
||||
occur simultaneously with a compelling distraction.
|
||||
@ -1114,9 +1104,9 @@ The first page the author turns to upon receiving an
|
||||
advance copy will be the page containing the worst
|
||||
error.
|
||||
%
|
||||
1. Never draw what you can copy.
|
||||
2. Never copy what you can trace.
|
||||
3. Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
|
||||
(1) Never draw what you can copy.
|
||||
(2) Never copy what you can trace.
|
||||
(3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The best shots happen immediately after the last
|
||||
frame is exposed.
|
||||
@ -1139,7 +1129,7 @@ directly with that person's sensitivity to smoke.
|
||||
The distance to the gate is inversely proportional
|
||||
to the time available to catch you flight.
|
||||
%
|
||||
As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the
|
||||
As soon as the flight attendant serves the coffee, the
|
||||
airliner encounters turbulence.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
|
||||
@ -1169,7 +1159,7 @@ implemented, it wasn't worth doing.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The greater the cost of putting a plan into operation,
|
||||
the less chance there is of abandoning the plan - even
|
||||
if it subsequently becomes irreveland.
|
||||
if it subsequently becomes irrevelant.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The higher the level of prestige accorded the people
|
||||
behind the plan, the least less chance there is of
|
||||
@ -1196,10 +1186,10 @@ they are.
|
||||
You never know who's right, but you always know
|
||||
who's in charge.
|
||||
%
|
||||
1. Anyone can make a decision given enough facts.
|
||||
2. A good manager can make a decision without enough
|
||||
facts.
|
||||
3. A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance.
|
||||
(1) Anyone can make a decision given enough facts.
|
||||
(2) A good manager can make a decision without enough
|
||||
facts.
|
||||
(3) A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The boss who attempts to impress employees with his
|
||||
knowledge of intricate details has lost sight of his
|
||||
@ -1256,7 +1246,7 @@ who's redundant.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you're early, it'be cancelled.
|
||||
If you're early, it'll be cancelled.
|
||||
If you knock yourself out to be on time, you will
|
||||
have to wait.
|
||||
If you're late, you will be too late.
|
||||
@ -1277,7 +1267,7 @@ what you don't want to do.
|
||||
Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The more complicated and grandiose the plan, the
|
||||
greater the chance of ailure.
|
||||
greater the chance of failure.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Simple jobs always get put off because there will be
|
||||
time to do them later.
|
||||
@ -1301,14 +1291,14 @@ The more carefully you plan a project, the more
|
||||
confusion there is when something goes wrong.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Murphy's rule for precision:
|
||||
Measure with a micrometer
|
||||
Mark with chalk
|
||||
Cut with an axe
|
||||
Measure with a micrometer
|
||||
Mark with chalk
|
||||
Cut with an axe
|
||||
%
|
||||
You can't fix it if it ain't broke.
|
||||
%
|
||||
First rule of intelligent tinkering:
|
||||
Save all the parts
|
||||
Save all the parts
|
||||
%
|
||||
Access holes will be 1/2" too small.
|
||||
Holes that are the right size will be in the wrong place.
|
||||
@ -1367,9 +1357,9 @@ Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Science is true. Don't be misled by facts.
|
||||
%
|
||||
1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology.
|
||||
2. If it stinks, it's chemistry.
|
||||
3. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
|
||||
(1) If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology.
|
||||
(2) If it stinks, it's chemistry.
|
||||
(3) If it doesn't work, it's physics.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Nothing improves an innovation like lack of controls.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -1379,7 +1369,7 @@ to the density of control.
|
||||
If reproducibility may be a problem conduct the
|
||||
test only once.
|
||||
%
|
||||
if a straight line fit is required, obtain only two
|
||||
If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two
|
||||
data points.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Any technical problem can be overcome given enough
|
||||
@ -1395,18 +1385,18 @@ approximation and know the truth, than to demand an
|
||||
exact solution and not know the truth at all.
|
||||
%
|
||||
An easily-understood, workable falsehood is more useful
|
||||
than a comples, incompreshensible truth.
|
||||
than a complex, incompreshensible truth.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Anyone who make a significant contribution to any field
|
||||
of endeavor, and stays in that field long enough,
|
||||
becomes an obstruction ot its progress -- in direct
|
||||
of endeavor and stays in that field long enough,
|
||||
becomes an obstruction to its progress -- in direct
|
||||
proportion to the importance of his original contribution.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If a scientist encovers a publishable fact, it will
|
||||
If a scientist uncovers a publishable fact, it will
|
||||
become central to his theory.
|
||||
|
||||
His theory, in turn, will become central to all
|
||||
scientific though.
|
||||
scientific truth.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There is no such thing as a straight line.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -1442,7 +1432,7 @@ In any dealings with a collective body of people, the
|
||||
people will always be more tacky than originally expected.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
|
||||
theirs, then you just don't understand the problemr.
|
||||
theirs, then you just don't understand the problem.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Information deteriorates upward through the bureaucracies.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -1473,13 +1463,13 @@ Return on investments won't.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If everybody doesn't want it, nobody gets it.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Mass man must be servied by mass means.
|
||||
Mass man must be serviced by mass means.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Everything is contagious.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Nothing is ever done for the right reasons.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The secret of success is sincerity. once you can fake
|
||||
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake
|
||||
that you've got it made.
|
||||
%
|
||||
An expert is anyone from out of town.
|
||||
@ -1489,7 +1479,7 @@ and less until he knows absolutely everything
|
||||
about nothing.
|
||||
%
|
||||
To spot the expert, pick the one who perdicts the job
|
||||
wil take the longest and cost the most.
|
||||
will take the longest and cost the most.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If it sits on your desk for 15 minutes, you've just
|
||||
become the expert.
|
||||
@ -1531,7 +1521,7 @@ task to make them simple.
|
||||
If you have a difficult task give it to a lazy man, he
|
||||
will find an easier way to do it.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Every great idean has a disadvantage equal to or
|
||||
Every great idea has a disadvantage equal to or
|
||||
exceeding the greatness of the idea.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately
|
||||
@ -1541,7 +1531,7 @@ New systems generate new problems.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Systems should not be unnecessarily multiplied.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Systems tend to grow, and as they grow they encroach.
|
||||
Systems tend to grow and as they grow they encroach.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Complicated systems produce unexpected outcomes.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -1562,13 +1552,13 @@ A complex system designed from scratch never works and
|
||||
cannot be patched up to make it work. You have to start
|
||||
over, beginning with a working simple system.
|
||||
%
|
||||
1. Everything is a system.
|
||||
2. Everything is part of a larger system.
|
||||
3. The universe is infinitely systematized both upward
|
||||
(larger systems) and downward (smaller systems).
|
||||
4. All systems are infinitely complex. (the illuison
|
||||
of simplicity comes from focussing attention on
|
||||
one or a few variables).
|
||||
(1) Everything is a system.
|
||||
(2) Everything is part of a larger system.
|
||||
(3) The universe is infinitely systematized both upward
|
||||
(larger systems) and downward (smaller systems).
|
||||
(4) All systems are infinitely complex. (The illuison
|
||||
of simplicity comes from focussing attention on
|
||||
one or a few variables).
|
||||
%
|
||||
Complex systems tend to oppose their own proper function.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -1578,7 +1568,7 @@ you will be the 'n + 1' to apply.
|
||||
Class schedules are designed so that every student will
|
||||
waste the maximum time between classes.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Show me a person who's never made a mistake and i'll
|
||||
Show me a person who's never made a mistake and I'll
|
||||
show you somebdoy who's never achieved much.
|
||||
%
|
||||
When you consider there are 24 hours in a day, it's
|
||||
@ -1672,9 +1662,10 @@ out of trouble.
|
||||
A drug is that substance which, when injected into a
|
||||
rat, will produce a scientific report.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Before ordering a test decide what you will do if it
|
||||
is 1) positive, or 2) negative. If both answers are the
|
||||
same, don't do the test.
|
||||
Before ordering a test decide what you will do if it is,
|
||||
(1) positive, or
|
||||
(2) negative.
|
||||
If both answers are the same, don't do the test.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The radiologists' national flower is the hedge.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -1684,7 +1675,7 @@ indiciation for its performance.
|
||||
A physician's ability is inversely proportional
|
||||
to his availability.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There are two kinds of adhesive tape: that which won't
|
||||
There are two kinds of adhesive tape: That which won't
|
||||
stay on and that which won't come off.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Everbody wants a pain shot at the same time.
|
||||
@ -1693,7 +1684,7 @@ Everybody who didn't want a pain shot when you were
|
||||
passing out pain shots wants one when you are passing
|
||||
out sleeping pills.
|
||||
%
|
||||
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more that his
|
||||
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his
|
||||
own physician.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Fools rush in -- and get the best seats.
|
||||
@ -1701,7 +1692,7 @@ Fools rush in -- and get the best seats.
|
||||
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from
|
||||
the aisle arrive last.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Exciting plays occur only whil you are watching the
|
||||
Exciting plays occur only while you are watching the
|
||||
scoreboard or out buying a hot dog.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by
|
||||
@ -1751,12 +1742,12 @@ fishing around you.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The mountain gets steeper as you get closer.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The mountain looks closer that it is.
|
||||
The mountain looks closer than it is.
|
||||
%
|
||||
All trails have more uphill sections that they have
|
||||
level or downhill sections.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The one who leasts wants to play is the one who will win.
|
||||
The one who least wants to play is the one who will win.
|
||||
%
|
||||
All things being equal, you lose.
|
||||
|
||||
@ -1772,11 +1763,11 @@ If everything is coming your way, you're in the
|
||||
wrong lane.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you allow someone to get in front of you either:
|
||||
a. the car in front will be the last one over a
|
||||
railroad crossing, and you will be stuck waiting
|
||||
for a long, slow-moving train; or
|
||||
b. you both will have the same destination and the
|
||||
other car will get the last parking space.
|
||||
(1) The car in front will be the last one over a
|
||||
railroad crossing, and you will be stuck waiting
|
||||
for a long, slow-moving train; or
|
||||
(2) you both will have the same destination and the
|
||||
other car will get the last parking space.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you have to park six blocks away, you will find two
|
||||
new parking spaces right in front of the building
|
||||
@ -1821,12 +1812,12 @@ If it's good, they discontinue it.
|
||||
%
|
||||
It the shoe fits, it's ugly.
|
||||
%
|
||||
1. If you like it, they don't have it in your size.
|
||||
2. If you like it and it's in your size, it doesn't
|
||||
fit anyway.
|
||||
3. If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it.
|
||||
4. If you like it, it fits and you can afford it, it
|
||||
falls apart the first time you wear it.
|
||||
(1) If you like it, they don't have it in your size.
|
||||
(2) If you like it and it's in your size, it doesn't
|
||||
fit anyway.
|
||||
(4) If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it.
|
||||
(5) If you like it, it fits and you can afford it, it
|
||||
falls apart the first time you wear it.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The one you want is never the one on sale.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -1851,8 +1842,8 @@ self-destruct on the 61st day.
|
||||
The "consumer report" on the item will come out a week
|
||||
after you've made your purchase:
|
||||
|
||||
1. The one you bought will be rated "unacceptable".
|
||||
2. The one you almost bought will be rated "best buy".
|
||||
(1) The one you bought will be rated "unacceptable".
|
||||
(2) The one you almost bought will be rated "best buy".
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you don't write to complain, you'll never receive
|
||||
your order.
|
||||
@ -1885,22 +1876,21 @@ function adequately.
|
||||
The more expensive the gadget, the less often you
|
||||
will use it.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The simpler the instruction (e.g. "press here"), the
|
||||
The simpler the instruction, e.g. "press here", the
|
||||
more difficult it will be to open the package.
|
||||
%
|
||||
In a family recipe you just discovered in an old book,
|
||||
the most vital measurement will be illegible.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Once a dish is fouled up. anything added to save it
|
||||
Once a dish is fouled up, anything added to save it
|
||||
only makes it worse.
|
||||
%
|
||||
You are always complimented on the item which took the
|
||||
least effort to prepare.
|
||||
|
||||
example:
|
||||
|
||||
If you make "duck a l'orange" you will be
|
||||
complimented on the baked potato.
|
||||
Example:
|
||||
If you make "duck a l'orange" you will be
|
||||
complimented on the baked potato.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The one ingredient you made a special trip to the store
|
||||
to get will be the one thing your guest is allergic to.
|
||||
@ -1985,15 +1975,15 @@ bathroom door you're on.
|
||||
The life expectancy of a house plant varies inversely
|
||||
with its price and directly with its ugliness.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If you have watched a tv series only once, and you watch
|
||||
If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch
|
||||
it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If there are only 2 shows worth watching, they will be
|
||||
on together.
|
||||
If there are only two shows worth watching, they will
|
||||
be on together.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The only new tv show worth watching will be cancelled.
|
||||
The only new TV show worth watching will be cancelled.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The tv show you've been looking forward to all week
|
||||
The TV show you've been looking forward to all week
|
||||
will be preempted.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Most people deserve each other.
|
||||
@ -2003,11 +1993,11 @@ their storage.
|
||||
%
|
||||
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal
|
||||
%
|
||||
1. The telephone will ring when you are outside the
|
||||
door, fumbling for your keys.
|
||||
(1) The telephone will ring when you are outside the
|
||||
door, fumbling for your keys.
|
||||
|
||||
2. You will reach it just in time to hear the click
|
||||
of the caller hanging up.
|
||||
(2) You will reach it just in time to hear the click
|
||||
of the caller hanging up.
|
||||
%
|
||||
People to whom you are attracted invariably thing you
|
||||
remind them of someone else.
|
||||
@ -2027,16 +2017,6 @@ Your own romantic gestures seem fooolish and clumsy.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The length of a marriage is inversely proportional
|
||||
to the amount spent on the wedding.
|
||||
%
|
||||
All probabilities are 50%. either a thing will
|
||||
happen or it won't.
|
||||
|
||||
This is especially true when dealing with women.
|
||||
|
||||
Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Sow your wild oats on saturday night - then on
|
||||
sunday pray for crop failure.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The probablility of meeting someone you know increases
|
||||
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
|
||||
@ -2074,12 +2054,12 @@ happened to everyone you know only more so.
|
||||
He who laughs last -- probably didn't get the joke.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Don't worry over what other people are thinking about
|
||||
you. they're too busy worrying over what you are
|
||||
you. They're too busy worrying over what you are
|
||||
thinking about them.
|
||||
%
|
||||
In a bureaucratic hierarchy, the higher up the
|
||||
organization the less people appreciate murphy's law,
|
||||
the peter principle, etc.
|
||||
organization the less people appreciate Murphy's law,
|
||||
the Peter Principle, etc.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Law expands in proportion to the resources available
|
||||
for its enforcement.
|
||||
@ -2119,10 +2099,10 @@ The only game that can't be fixed is peek-a-boo.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Ignorance should be painful.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The first insurance agent was david -
|
||||
he gave goliath a piece of the rock.
|
||||
The first insurance agent was David -
|
||||
he gave Goliath a piece of the rock.
|
||||
%
|
||||
King arthur ran the first knight club.
|
||||
King Arthur ran the first knight club.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Magellan was the first strait man.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -2132,18 +2112,18 @@ either a nitwit or a repariman.
|
||||
If it weren't for the opinion polls we'd never know
|
||||
what people are undecided about.
|
||||
%
|
||||
No news is... impossible.
|
||||
No news is ... impossible.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Laugh and the world laughs with you. cry and ...
|
||||
you have to blow your nose.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A penny saved is ...not much.
|
||||
A penny saved is ... not much.
|
||||
%
|
||||
He who marries for money...better be nice to his wife.
|
||||
He who marries for money ... better be nice to his wife.
|
||||
%
|
||||
It's always darkest before ...daylight saving time.
|
||||
It's always darkest before ... daylight saving time.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If at first you don't succeed...get new batteries.
|
||||
If at first you don't succeed ... get new batteries.
|
||||
%
|
||||
There is nothing more frightening than ignorance in action.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -2174,12 +2154,12 @@ Never play leapfrog with a photo enlarger.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Never argue with an artist.
|
||||
%
|
||||
When in doubt, don't muble, overexpose...then mumble.
|
||||
When in doubt, don't muble, overexpose ... then mumble.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The light at the end of the tunnel really is a train.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A budget is saving quarters in a mason jar for
|
||||
christmas and spending them by easter.
|
||||
Christmas and spending them by Easter.
|
||||
%
|
||||
A budget is spending $15.00 on gas to drive to a
|
||||
shopping mall to save $4.30 on a 20 pound turkey.
|
||||
@ -2212,7 +2192,7 @@ Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
|
||||
%
|
||||
It is far better to do nothing that to do
|
||||
something efficiently.
|
||||
Siezbo
|
||||
-- Siezbo
|
||||
%
|
||||
The man who has no more problems is out of the game.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -2244,21 +2224,15 @@ When a distinguised scientist states something is possible,
|
||||
he is almost certainly right. When he states that
|
||||
something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Early to rise and early to bed makes a male
|
||||
healthy and wealthy and dead.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Everyone gets away with something.
|
||||
No one gets away with everything.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Remain silent about your intentions until you are sure
|
||||
*--------------------------------------------------------------------*
|
||||
* Extensions as added by me, Jim Marshall
|
||||
*--------------------------------------------------------------------*
|
||||
%
|
||||
Calm down .... it is only ones and zeros.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Real programmers don't write Cobol.
|
||||
Cobol is for wimpy applications programmers.
|
||||
Real programmers don't write COBOL.
|
||||
COBOL is for wimpy applications programmers.
|
||||
%
|
||||
I have not lost my mind, it is backed up on tape somewhere.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -2281,27 +2255,27 @@ Real programmers don't eat quiche. In fact, real
|
||||
programmers don't know how to spell quiche. They eat
|
||||
twinkies and szechwan food.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Real programmer's programs never work the first time. but
|
||||
Real programmer's programs never work the first time. But
|
||||
if you throw them on the machine, they can be patched into
|
||||
working in "only a few" 30-hour debugging sessions.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Real programmers don't write in Fortran. Fortran is for
|
||||
Real programmers don't write in Fortran. Fortran is for
|
||||
pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real
|
||||
programmers are around at 9 a.m., it's because they
|
||||
were up all night.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Real programmers don't write in basic. Actually, no
|
||||
Real programmers don't write in Basic. Actually, no
|
||||
programmers write in basic after age 12.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Real programmers don't write in PL/1. PL/1 is for
|
||||
programmers who can't decide whether to write in
|
||||
Cobol or Fortran.
|
||||
COBOL or Fortran.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Real programmers don't play tennis or any other sport
|
||||
that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is
|
||||
ok, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work
|
||||
O.K., and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work
|
||||
in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle
|
||||
of the machine room.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -2318,9 +2292,9 @@ with the same staff that started it. Yours will not be the
|
||||
first.
|
||||
%
|
||||
When things are going well, something will go wrong.
|
||||
- when things just can't get any worse, they will.
|
||||
- when things appear to be going better you have overlooked
|
||||
something.
|
||||
When things just can't get any worse, they will.
|
||||
When things appear to be going better you have overlooked
|
||||
something.
|
||||
%
|
||||
If project content is allowed to change freely, the rate of
|
||||
change will exceed the rate of progress.
|
||||
@ -2338,7 +2312,7 @@ than done
|
||||
%
|
||||
If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Never wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty, and the pig
|
||||
Never wrestle with a pig; you both get dirty, and the pig
|
||||
likes it!
|
||||
%
|
||||
Never argue with an idiot: People watching may not be able
|
||||
@ -2347,17 +2321,17 @@ to tell the difference.
|
||||
Don't fight with a bear in his own cage.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The six steps of program management are:
|
||||
1. Wild enthusiasm
|
||||
2. Disenchantment
|
||||
3. Total confusion
|
||||
4. Search for guilty
|
||||
5. Punishment for the innocent
|
||||
6. Promotion of the non-participants
|
||||
(1) Wild enthusiasm
|
||||
(2) Disenchantment
|
||||
(3) Total confusion
|
||||
(4) Search for guilty
|
||||
(5) Punishment for the innocent
|
||||
(6) Promotion of the non-participants
|
||||
%
|
||||
He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from
|
||||
the next freeway exit.
|
||||
%
|
||||
An expert doesn't know any more than you do. He oe she is
|
||||
An expert doesn't know any more than you do. He or she is
|
||||
merely better organized and uses slides.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have
|
||||
|
Loading…
Reference in New Issue
Block a user