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Remove duplicate fortunes and fix some typos.
PR: misc/45839 Submitted by: Philipp Mergenthaler <philipp.mergenthaler@stud.uni-karlsruhe.de>
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2020-12-20 02:59:44 +00:00
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@ -841,18 +841,6 @@ mysterious setting?"
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The master dropped the device to the ground and crushed it under foot.
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And suddenly the novice was enlightened.
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-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
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%
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A master was explaining the nature of Tao to one of his novices.
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"The Tao is embodied in all software -- regardless of how insignificant,"
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said the master.
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"Is the Tao in a hand-held calculator?" asked the novice.
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"It is," came the reply.
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"Is the Tao in a video game?" continued the novice.
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"It is even in a video game," said the master.
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"And is the Tao in the DOS for a personal computer?"
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The master coughed and shifted his position slightly. "The lesson
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is over for today.", he said.
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-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
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%
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A master was explaining the nature of the Tao to one of his novices,
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"The Tao is embodied in all software -- regardless of how insignificant,"
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@ -1113,7 +1101,7 @@ secrets... so naturally British electronics leak smoke.
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-- Jack Banton, PCC Automotive Electrical School
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%
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A shy teenage boy finally worked up the nerve to give a gift to
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Maddona, a young puppy. It hitched its waggin' to a star.
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Madonna, a young puppy. It hitched its waggin' to a star.
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A girl spent a couple hours on the phone talking to her two best
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friends, Maureen Jones, and Maureen Brown. When asked by her father why she
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had been on the phone so long, she responded "I heard a funny story today
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@ -1879,19 +1867,6 @@ on the safe side."
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"Quite right. You don't want to come back from Sorrento
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to a dead cat, do you?"
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-- Monty Python
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%
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Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the month.
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According to probably reliable sources, the Coca-Cola people are experiencing
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severe marketing anxiety in China.
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The words "Coca-Cola" translate into Chinese as either (depending
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on the inflection) "wax-fattened mare" or "bite the wax tadpole".
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Bite the wax tadpole.
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There is a sort of rough justice, is there not?
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The trouble with this fact, as lovely as it is, is that it's hard
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to get a whole column out of it. I'd like to teach the world to bite a wax
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tadpole. Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare. Not bad, but broad
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satiric vistas do not open up.
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-- John Carrol, The San Francisco Chronicle
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%
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Here is the problem: for many years, the Supreme Court wrestled
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with the issue of pornography, until finally Associate Justice John
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@ -2346,6 +2321,7 @@ not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your
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receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and
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which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony.
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Amen.
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-- Roger Zelazny, "Creatures of Light and Darkness", 1969
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%
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It appears that after his death, Albert Einstein found himself
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working as the doorkeeper at the Pearly Gates. One slow day, he
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@ -3525,24 +3501,6 @@ is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn."
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-- T. H. White, "The Once and Future King"
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%
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The big problem with pornography is defining it. You can't just
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say it's pictures of people naked. For example, you have these primitive
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African tribes that exist by chasing the wildebeest on foot, and they have
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to go around largely naked, because, as the old tribal saying goes: "N'wam
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k'honi soit qui mali," which means, "If you think you can catch a wildebeest
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in this climate and wear clothes at the same time, then I have some beach
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front property in the desert region of Northern Mali that you may be
|
||||
interested in."
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So it's not considered pornographic when National Geographic publishes
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color photographs of these people hunting the wildebeest naked, or pounding
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one rock onto another rock for some primitive reason naked, or whatever.
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But if National Geographic were to publish an article entitled "The Girls
|
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of the California Junior College System Hunt the Wildebeest Naked," some
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people would call it pornography. But others would not. And still others,
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such as the Spectacularly Rev. Jerry Falwell, would get upset about seeing
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the wildebeest naked.
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-- Dave Barry, "Pornography"
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%
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The big problem with pornography is defining it. You can't just
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say it's pictures of people naked. For example, you have these
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primitive African tribes that exist by chasing the wildebeest on foot,
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and they have to go around largely naked, because, as the old tribal
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@ -4083,25 +4041,6 @@ against a wall, and this was inscribed on the floor:
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Proof: assume the opposite...
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%
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There was once a programmer who was attached to the court of the
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warlord of Wu. The warlord asked the programmer: "Which is easier to design:
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an accounting package or an operating system?"
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"An operating system," replied the programmer.
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The warlord uttered an exclamation of disbelief. "Surely an
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accounting package is trivial next to the complexity of an operating
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system," he said.
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"Not so," said the programmer, "when designing an accounting package,
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the programmer operates as a mediator between people having different ideas:
|
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how it must operate, how its reports must appear, and how it must conform to
|
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the tax laws. By contrast, an operating system is not limited my outside
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appearances. When designing an operating system, the programmer seeks the
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simplest harmony between machine and ideas. This is why an operating system
|
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is easier to design."
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The warlord of Wu nodded and smiled. "That is all good and well, but
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which is easier to debug?"
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The programmer made no reply.
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-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
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%
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There was once a programmer who was attached to the court of the
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warlord Wu. The warlord asked the programmer: "Which is easier to design:
|
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an accounting package or an operating system?"
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"An operating system," replied the programmer.
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@ -7876,8 +7815,6 @@ will be up to. Individuals vary, but percentages remain constant. So says
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the statistician."
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-- Sherlock Holmes, "The Sign of Four"
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%
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A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
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%
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A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
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-- O'Henry
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%
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@ -8358,11 +8295,6 @@ ACCEPTANCE TESTING:
|
||||
An unsuccessful attempt to find bugs.
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%
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Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western
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religion. Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic
|
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of Western science.
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-- Gary Zukav, "The Dancing Wu Li Masters"
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%
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Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western
|
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religion; rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of
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Western science.
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-- Gary Zukav, "The Dancing Wu Li Masters"
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@ -8422,12 +8354,6 @@ According to the latest official figures,
|
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%
|
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According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in
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||||
America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth.
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Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could
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beat up their city anytime.
|
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-- David Letterman
|
||||
%
|
||||
According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in
|
||||
America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth.
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Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could
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beat up their city anytime.
|
||||
-- David Letterman
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@ -8499,15 +8425,6 @@ ADA:
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||||
an ADA awareness.
|
||||
-- "Datamation", January 15, 1984
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%
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ADA:
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||||
Something you need to know the name of to be an Expert in Computing.
|
||||
Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA awareness."
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%
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ADA, n.:
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||||
Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in
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||||
Computing. Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA
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awareness."
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%
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Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit.
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[Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]
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-- Ovid
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@ -8894,12 +8811,6 @@ Alden's Laws:
|
||||
(2) Always be backlit.
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(3) Sit down whenever possible.
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%
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Alden's Laws:
|
||||
1: Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
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of pregnancy.
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2: Always be backlit.
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3: Sit down whenever possible.
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%
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Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall,
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Aleph-null bottles of beer,
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You take one down, and pass it around,
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@ -8917,8 +8828,6 @@ the closest our country has ever been to being even.
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Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
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-- Philippe Schnoebelen
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%
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Algebraic symbols are used when you don't know what you're talking about.
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%
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Algol-60 surely must be regarded as the most
|
||||
important programming language yet developed.
|
||||
-- T. Cheatham
|
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@ -9772,12 +9681,6 @@ That others may know
|
||||
The grateful dead.
|
||||
-- Tibetan "Book of the Dead," ca. 4000 BC.
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%
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And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest
|
||||
unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine
|
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bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits,
|
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provideth that they are nice and fresh.'
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-- Dave Barry
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||||
%
|
||||
And Bezel saideth unto Sham: "Sham," he saideth, "Thou shalt goest
|
||||
unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine
|
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bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits,
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||||
@ -10519,9 +10422,6 @@ Are you making all this up as you go along?
|
||||
Are you sure the back door is locked?
|
||||
%
|
||||
"Are you sure you're not an encyclopedia salesman?"
|
||||
"No, Ma'am. Just a burglar, come to ransack the flat."
|
||||
%
|
||||
"Are you sure you're not an encyclopedia salesman?"
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No, Ma'am. Just a burglar, come to ransack the flat."
|
||||
-- Monty Python
|
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%
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@ -10665,21 +10565,11 @@ disgusting person are you," these letters typically ask, "that you make
|
||||
jokes about setting fire to a goat?"
|
||||
-- Dave Barry
|
||||
%
|
||||
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I
|
||||
thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist.
|
||||
This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
|
||||
-- M. Cartmill
|
||||
%
|
||||
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and
|
||||
I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist.
|
||||
This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
|
||||
-- Matt Cartmill
|
||||
%
|
||||
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty,
|
||||
and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a
|
||||
scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
|
||||
-- M. Cartmill
|
||||
%
|
||||
As an Englishman, an Aussie and a Scotsman are sitting in a pub, quaffing
|
||||
a few, three flies buzz down from the ceiling and lazily circle each drinker.
|
||||
Suddenly "buzzzzzzzzplooop", each fly does a kamakazi dive into a different
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@ -15870,9 +15760,6 @@ Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling
|
||||
just a bit unchivalrous...
|
||||
-- Robert Benchley
|
||||
%
|
||||
Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
|
||||
-- Kehlog Albran
|
||||
%
|
||||
Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
|
||||
-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -16288,13 +16175,6 @@ There are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no
|
||||
straight lines.
|
||||
-- R. Buckminster Fuller
|
||||
%
|
||||
Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less
|
||||
obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no
|
||||
solids in the universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid. There
|
||||
are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no
|
||||
straight lines.
|
||||
-- R. Buckminster Fuller
|
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%
|
||||
Everything's great in this good old world;
|
||||
(This is the stuff they can always use.)
|
||||
God's in his heaven, the hill's dew-pearled;
|
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@ -18228,18 +18108,10 @@ Function reject.
|
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%
|
||||
Fundamentally, there may be no basis for anything.
|
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%
|
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FURBLING:
|
||||
Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank
|
||||
even when you are the only person in line.
|
||||
-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
|
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%
|
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furbling, v:
|
||||
Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank
|
||||
even when you are the only person in line.
|
||||
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
|
||||
%
|
||||
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
|
||||
-- H. H. Williams
|
||||
-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
|
||||
%
|
||||
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
|
||||
-- H. H. Williams
|
||||
@ -18297,11 +18169,6 @@ GEMINI (May 21 to Jun. 20)
|
||||
and respect from those around you; everybody loves a sucker. A short
|
||||
trip is in the stars, possibly to the men's room.
|
||||
%
|
||||
GENDERPLEX:
|
||||
The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to
|
||||
determine his or her designated restroom (e.g. turtles and tortoises).
|
||||
-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
|
||||
%
|
||||
genderplex, n:
|
||||
The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to
|
||||
determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and
|
||||
@ -19264,10 +19131,6 @@ Hacker's Guide To Cooking:
|
||||
for 3.6E6 milliseconds while you work on cleaning up stderr, and
|
||||
by time out your cheesecake will be ready for stdin.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Hacker's Law:
|
||||
The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir
|
||||
a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Hacker's Law:
|
||||
The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a
|
||||
nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
|
||||
@ -19388,10 +19251,6 @@ Hanson's Treatment of Time:
|
||||
There are never enough hours in a day,
|
||||
but always too many days before Saturday.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Hanson's Treatment of Time:
|
||||
There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days
|
||||
before Saturday.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Happiness is a hard disk.
|
||||
@ -19440,9 +19299,6 @@ Hard work may not kill you, but why take the chance?
|
||||
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
|
||||
-- Charlie McCarthy
|
||||
%
|
||||
Hardware:
|
||||
The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Hardware met Software on the road to Changtse. Software said: "You are Yin
|
||||
and I am Yang. If we travel together we will become famous and earn vast
|
||||
sums of money." And so the set forth together, thinking to conquer the world.
|
||||
@ -23780,11 +23636,6 @@ idiot box, n:
|
||||
the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
|
||||
-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
|
||||
%
|
||||
idiot box, n:
|
||||
The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the
|
||||
stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
|
||||
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
|
||||
%
|
||||
idiot, n:
|
||||
A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence
|
||||
in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
|
||||
@ -28795,9 +28646,6 @@ Knucklehead: "I didn't know you could yodel"
|
||||
Kramer's Law:
|
||||
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Kramer's Law:
|
||||
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
|
||||
%
|
||||
KROGT:
|
||||
(chemical symbol: Kr) The metallic silver coating found
|
||||
on fast-food game cards.
|
||||
@ -29300,14 +29148,6 @@ Let's just say that where a change was required, I adjusted. In every
|
||||
relationship that exists, people have to seek a way to survive. If you
|
||||
really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the end.
|
||||
For the first time, I found that I really could change, and the qualities
|
||||
I most admired in myself I gave up. I stopped being loud and bossy ...
|
||||
Oh, all right. I was still loud and bossy, but only behind his back.
|
||||
-- Kate Hepburn, on Tracy and Hepburn
|
||||
%
|
||||
Let's just say that where a change was required, I adjusted. In every
|
||||
relationship that exists, people have to seek a way to survive. If you
|
||||
really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the end.
|
||||
For the first time, I found that I really could change, and the qualities
|
||||
I most admired in myself I gave up. I stopped being loud and bossy...
|
||||
Oh, all right. I was still loud and bossy, but only behind his back."
|
||||
-- Kate Hepburn, on Tracy and Hepburn
|
||||
@ -29390,9 +29230,6 @@ LIE:
|
||||
Lieberman's Law:
|
||||
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Lieberman's Law:
|
||||
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter, cuz nobody listens.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Lies! All lies! You're all lying against my boys!
|
||||
-- Ma Barker
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -29877,22 +29714,6 @@ Do all the things YOU want to do?
|
||||
Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.
|
||||
-- Henry David Thoreau
|
||||
%
|
||||
Lobster:
|
||||
Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are
|
||||
squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only
|
||||
proper method of preparing them. Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your
|
||||
guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're cooked.
|
||||
The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on the sea
|
||||
floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs. Grasp the lobster
|
||||
behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say,
|
||||
"Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a
|
||||
scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural
|
||||
apparatus you call a memory!" The lobster will squirm noticeably. It may
|
||||
even take a swipe at you with one of its claws. Incorrigible. Pop it into
|
||||
the pot. Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will
|
||||
be, too.
|
||||
-- Dave Barry
|
||||
%
|
||||
Lobster:
|
||||
Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are squeamish
|
||||
about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only proper
|
||||
@ -29907,8 +29728,8 @@ Lobster:
|
||||
squirm noticeably. It may even take a swipe at you with one of its claws.
|
||||
Incorrigible. Pop it into the pot. Justice has been served, and shortly
|
||||
you and your friends will be, too.
|
||||
-- Cooking: The Art of Turning Appliances and Utensils
|
||||
into Excuses and Apologies
|
||||
-- Dave Barry, Cooking: The Art of Turning Appliances
|
||||
and Utensils into Excuses and Apologies
|
||||
%
|
||||
Lockwood's Long Shot:
|
||||
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street
|
||||
@ -30212,18 +30033,6 @@ Bite they little heads off,
|
||||
Nibble at they tiny feet.
|
||||
-- Kliban
|
||||
%
|
||||
Love to eat them mousies,
|
||||
Mousies what I love to eat.
|
||||
Bite they little heads off,
|
||||
Nibble on they tiny feet.
|
||||
-- Kliban
|
||||
%
|
||||
Love to eat them mousies;
|
||||
Mousies what I love to eat.
|
||||
Bite they tiny heads off,
|
||||
Nibble on they tiny feet!
|
||||
-- Kilban
|
||||
%
|
||||
Love, which is quickly kindled in a gentle heart,
|
||||
seized this one for the fair form
|
||||
that was taken from me-and the way of it afflicts me still.
|
||||
@ -31830,15 +31639,6 @@ A thunderbolt to mix it well --
|
||||
Now begin thy magic spell!
|
||||
-- The Evil Queen, "Snow White"
|
||||
%
|
||||
Mummy dust to make me old;
|
||||
To shroud my clothes, the black of night;
|
||||
To age my voice, an old hag's cackle;
|
||||
To whiten my hair, a scream of fright;
|
||||
A blast of wind to fan my hate;
|
||||
A thunderbolt to mix it well --
|
||||
Now begin thy magic spell!
|
||||
-- Walter Disney, "Snow White"
|
||||
%
|
||||
Mum's the word.
|
||||
-- Miguel de Cervantes
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -34044,25 +33844,6 @@ Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
|
||||
And when it works, I shout hoo-ray
|
||||
Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
|
||||
%
|
||||
Oh, I am just a typical American boy
|
||||
From a typical American town.
|
||||
I believe in God and Senator Dodd
|
||||
And keeping old Castro down.
|
||||
And when it came my time to serve
|
||||
I knew better dead than red,
|
||||
But when I got to my old draft board,
|
||||
Buddy this is what I said:
|
||||
|
||||
Sarge I'm only 18, I got a ruptured spleen
|
||||
And I always carry a purse;
|
||||
I got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat
|
||||
And my asthma's getting worse.
|
||||
Yes, think of my career and my sweetheart dear
|
||||
And my poor old invalid aunt;
|
||||
Besides I ain't no fool I'm going to school
|
||||
And I'm working in a defense plant.
|
||||
-- Phil Ochs, "Draft Dodger Rag"
|
||||
%
|
||||
Oh, I could while away the hours,
|
||||
Smoking herbs and flowers,
|
||||
Shooting up my veins,
|
||||
@ -34255,11 +34036,6 @@ nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter
|
||||
what it does.
|
||||
-- Will Rogers
|
||||
%
|
||||
On account of us being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only
|
||||
nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter
|
||||
what it does.
|
||||
-- The Best of Will Rogers
|
||||
%
|
||||
On his way back from work, a driver came upon a horrible wreck in which one
|
||||
car looked exactly like his neighbor's. Stopping hurriedly on the side of
|
||||
the road, he ran toward the smoldering debris.
|
||||
@ -35167,17 +34943,10 @@ Out of the crooked timber of humanity no straight thing can ever be made.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog it's too
|
||||
dark to read.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is too
|
||||
dark to read.
|
||||
-- Groucho Marx
|
||||
%
|
||||
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too
|
||||
dark to read.
|
||||
-- Groucho Marx
|
||||
%
|
||||
Over the shoulder supervision is more a
|
||||
need of the manager than the programming task.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -35330,10 +35099,6 @@ Pascal:
|
||||
in his grave if he knew about it.
|
||||
-- Datamation, January 15, 1984
|
||||
%
|
||||
Pascal:
|
||||
A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his
|
||||
grave if he knew about it.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Pascal is a language for children wanting to be naughty.
|
||||
-- Dr. Kasi Ananthanarayanan
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -35949,7 +35714,7 @@ Please, Mother! I'd rather do it myself!
|
||||
Please remain calm, it's no use both of
|
||||
us being hysterical at the same time.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Please stand for the Nation Anthem:
|
||||
Please stand for the National Anthem:
|
||||
|
||||
O Canada
|
||||
Our home and native land
|
||||
@ -37851,20 +37616,6 @@ lose your job. These economic downturns are very difficult to predict,
|
||||
but sophisticated econometric modeling houses like Data Resources and
|
||||
Chase Econometrics have successfully predicted 14 of the last 3 recessions.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Recipe for a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster:
|
||||
(1) Take the juice from one bottle of Ol' Janx Spirit
|
||||
(2) Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of
|
||||
Santraginus V (Oh, those Santraginean fish!)
|
||||
(3) Allow 3 cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the
|
||||
mixture (properly iced or the benzine is lost.)
|
||||
(4) Allow four liters of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it.
|
||||
(5) Over the back of a silver spoon, float a measure of
|
||||
Qualactin Hypermint extract.
|
||||
(6) Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve.
|
||||
(7) Sprinkle Zamphuor.
|
||||
(8) Add an olive.
|
||||
(9) Drink... but... very carefully...
|
||||
%
|
||||
Recipe for a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster:
|
||||
(1) Take the juice from one bottle of Ol' Janx Spirit
|
||||
(2) Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of
|
||||
@ -38143,17 +37894,6 @@ Rhode's Law:
|
||||
and infinitely so, until such time as it becomes advantageous to
|
||||
assume otherwise, maybe.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Rhode's Law:
|
||||
When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening, circumstance,
|
||||
or result can in no way be directly, indirectly, empirically, or circuitously
|
||||
proven, derived, implied, inferred, induced, deducted, estimated, or
|
||||
scientifically guessed, it will always for the purpose of convenience,
|
||||
expediency, political advantage, material gain, or personal comfort, or any
|
||||
combination of the above, or none of the above, be unilaterally and
|
||||
unequivocally assumed, proclaimed, and adhered to as absolute truth to be
|
||||
undeniably, universally, immutably, and infinitely so, until such time as
|
||||
it becomes advantageous to assume otherwise, maybe.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men
|
||||
should be happier than others.
|
||||
-- Oscar Wilde
|
||||
@ -39221,11 +38961,6 @@ aircraft carrier in the Formosa Straits.'
|
||||
bad fiction contest.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken
|
||||
him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess of
|
||||
stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.
|
||||
-- Samuel Johnson
|
||||
%
|
||||
Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken
|
||||
him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess
|
||||
of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.
|
||||
-- Samuel Johnson
|
||||
@ -41087,16 +40822,6 @@ Tempt not a desperate man.
|
||||
-- William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet"
|
||||
%
|
||||
Ten of the meanest cons in the state pen met in the corner of the yard to
|
||||
shoot some craps. The stakes were enormous, the tension palpable.
|
||||
When his turn came to shoot, Dutsky nervously plunked down his
|
||||
entire wad, shook the dice and rolled. A smile crossed his face as a seven
|
||||
showed up, but it quickly changed to horror as a third die slipped out of
|
||||
his sleeve and fell to the ground with the two others. No one said a word.
|
||||
Finally, Killer Lucci picked up the third die, put it in his pocket and
|
||||
handed the others to Dutsky.
|
||||
"Roll 'em," Lucci said. "Your point is thirteen."
|
||||
%
|
||||
Ten of the meanest cons in the state pen met in the corner of the yard to
|
||||
shoot some craps. The stakes were enormous, the tension palpable.
|
||||
When his turn came to shoot, Dutsky nervously plunked down his
|
||||
entire wad, shook the dice and rolled. A smile crossed his face as a
|
||||
@ -42519,8 +42244,6 @@ and the second half by our children.
|
||||
The first marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence,
|
||||
and the second the triumph of hope over experience.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The first myth of management is that it exists.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The first requisite for immortality is death.
|
||||
-- Stanislaw Lem
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -42544,9 +42267,6 @@ I knit my brow and thought and thought, and in final perplexity gave up.
|
||||
The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."
|
||||
-- H. L. Mencken
|
||||
%
|
||||
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
|
||||
-- Ehrlich
|
||||
%
|
||||
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
|
||||
-- Paul Erlich
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -44768,14 +44488,6 @@ stable business.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The program isn't debugged until the last user is dead.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The programmers of old were mysterious and profound. We cannot fathom their
|
||||
thoughts, so all we do is describe their appearance.
|
||||
Aware, like a fox crossing the water. Alert, like a general on the
|
||||
battlefield. Kind, like a hostess greeting her guests. Simple, like uncarved
|
||||
blocks of wood. Opaque, like black pools in darkened caves.
|
||||
Who can tell the secrets of their hearts and minds?
|
||||
The answer exists only in the Tao.
|
||||
%
|
||||
The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
|
||||
-- Miguel de Cervantes
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -46372,13 +46084,6 @@ There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life
|
||||
is the process of discovering them over and over and over.
|
||||
-- David Nichols
|
||||
%
|
||||
There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells and
|
||||
fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated pools here
|
||||
and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving them parched for
|
||||
wonder. There are also those who believe that if you stick your fingers up
|
||||
your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence.
|
||||
-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII
|
||||
%
|
||||
"There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells and
|
||||
fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated pools here
|
||||
and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving them parched for
|
||||
@ -46694,10 +46399,7 @@ man who eats Grap-Nuts on principle.
|
||||
-- G. K. Chesterton
|
||||
%
|
||||
There is more to life than increasing its speed.
|
||||
-- Mahatma Gandhi
|
||||
%
|
||||
There is more to life than increasing its speed.
|
||||
-- Mohandis K. Gandhi
|
||||
-- Mahatma Mohandis K. Gandhi
|
||||
%
|
||||
There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.
|
||||
-- Darth Vader
|
||||
@ -46718,10 +46420,6 @@ There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law.
|
||||
No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth.
|
||||
-- Jean Giraudoux, "Tiger at the Gates"
|
||||
%
|
||||
There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law.
|
||||
No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
|
||||
-- Jean Giradoux
|
||||
%
|
||||
"There is no choice before us. Either we must Succeed in providing
|
||||
the rational coordination of impulses and guts, or for centuries
|
||||
civilization will sink into a mere welter of minor excitements.
|
||||
@ -48996,27 +48694,6 @@ All jersey were the ocean groves,
|
||||
And the red bank bayonne.
|
||||
-- Paul Kieffer
|
||||
%
|
||||
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves And as in uffish thought he stood
|
||||
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. The Jabberwock, with eyes aflame
|
||||
All mimsy were the borogroves Came whuffling through the tulgey wood
|
||||
And the mome raths outgrabe. And burbled as it came!
|
||||
|
||||
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son! One! Two! One! Two!
|
||||
The jaws that bite, and through and through
|
||||
the claws that catch! The vorpal blade went snicker-snack.
|
||||
Beware the Jubjub bird, He left it dead, and took its head,
|
||||
And shun the frumious Bandersnatch!" And went galumphing back.
|
||||
|
||||
He took his vorpal sword in hand "Hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
|
||||
Long time the manxome foe he sought. Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
|
||||
So rested he by the tumtum tree Oh frabjous day! Calooh! Callay!"
|
||||
And stood awhile in thought. He chortled in his joy.
|
||||
|
||||
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
|
||||
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.
|
||||
All mimsy were the borogroves
|
||||
-- Lewis Carroll
|
||||
%
|
||||
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
|
||||
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. "Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
|
||||
All mimsy were the borogroves The jaws that bite, the claws
|
||||
@ -49974,12 +49651,6 @@ socialism, because socialism is defunct. It dies all by itself. The bad
|
||||
thing is that socialism, being a victim of its ... Did I say socialism?
|
||||
-- Fidel Castro
|
||||
%
|
||||
We are going to give a little something, a few little years more, to
|
||||
socialism, because socialism is defunct. It dies all by itself. The
|
||||
bad thing is that socialism, being a victim of its...
|
||||
Did I say socialism?
|
||||
-- Fidel Castro
|
||||
%
|
||||
We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.
|
||||
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -51591,10 +51262,6 @@ When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the
|
||||
inattentions of one.
|
||||
-- Helen Rowland
|
||||
%
|
||||
When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions
|
||||
of many men for the inattentions of one.
|
||||
Helen Rowland
|
||||
%
|
||||
When a lion meets another with a louder roar,
|
||||
the first lion thinks the last a bore.
|
||||
-- George Bernard Shaw
|
||||
@ -51689,9 +51356,6 @@ When among apes, one must play the ape.
|
||||
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
|
||||
-- Mark Twain
|
||||
%
|
||||
When arguments fail, use a blackjack.
|
||||
-- Ed "Spike" O'Donnell
|
||||
%
|
||||
When arguments fail, use a blackjack.
|
||||
-- Edward "Spike" O'Donnell, Al Capone associate.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -52376,13 +52040,6 @@ When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
|
||||
%
|
||||
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
|
||||
%
|
||||
When you find yourself in danger, when you're threatened by a stranger,
|
||||
When it looks like you will take a lickin'...
|
||||
There is one thing you should learn,
|
||||
When there is no one else to turn to,
|
||||
Caaaall for Super Chicken (**bwuck-bwuck-bwuck-bwuck**)
|
||||
Caaaall for Super Chicken!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
When you find yourself in danger,
|
||||
When you're threatened by a stranger,
|
||||
When it looks like you will take a lickin'...
|
||||
@ -52392,13 +52049,6 @@ When there is no one else to turn to,
|
||||
Caaaall for Super Chicken!! (**bwuck-bwuck-bwuck-bwuck**)
|
||||
Caaaall for Super Chicken!!
|
||||
%
|
||||
When you find yourself in danger,
|
||||
When you're threatened by a stranger,
|
||||
When it looks like you will take a lickin'...
|
||||
There is one thing you should learn,
|
||||
When there is no one else to turn to,
|
||||
Caaaaaall for Super Chicken.
|
||||
%
|
||||
When you get what you want in your struggle for self
|
||||
And the world makes you king for a day,
|
||||
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself
|
||||
@ -52705,14 +52355,6 @@ Amid this mighty fuss just let me mention,
|
||||
The Rights of Woman merit some attention.
|
||||
-- Robert Burns, Address on "The Rights of Woman", 1792
|
||||
%
|
||||
While Europe's eye is fix'd on mighty things,
|
||||
The fate of empires and the fall of kings;
|
||||
While quacks of State must each produce his plan,
|
||||
And even children lisp the Rights of Man;
|
||||
Amid this mighty fuss just let me mention,
|
||||
The Rights of Woman merit some attention.
|
||||
-- Robert Burns, Address on "The Rights of Woman", 1792
|
||||
%
|
||||
While having never invented a sin,
|
||||
I'm trying to perfect several.
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -52886,11 +52528,6 @@ become a monster. And when you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks
|
||||
into you.
|
||||
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
|
||||
%
|
||||
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not
|
||||
become a monster. And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also
|
||||
looks into you.
|
||||
-- Nietzsche
|
||||
%
|
||||
Whoever named it "necking" was a poor judge of anatomy.
|
||||
-- Groucho Marx
|
||||
%
|
||||
@ -53287,17 +52924,6 @@ your G.P.A.?"
|
||||
Grinning ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about twenty-five in
|
||||
the city and forty on the highway."
|
||||
%
|
||||
With the end of the football season, a star player on the college team was
|
||||
celebrating the relaxation of his curfew by attending a late-night campus
|
||||
party. Soon after arriving, he was captivated by a beautiful coed and
|
||||
eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at
|
||||
parties.
|
||||
"Oh, I have a three point eight, so I'm much more attracted to the
|
||||
strong academic types than to the dumb party animals," she said. "What's
|
||||
you G.P.A.?"
|
||||
Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get at least
|
||||
twenty-five in the city and forty on the highway!"
|
||||
%
|
||||
With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of
|
||||
it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too
|
||||
close. Like catching snakes.
|
||||
@ -54151,11 +53777,6 @@ I met a man who wasn't there.
|
||||
He wasn't there again today --
|
||||
I think he's from the CIA.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Yesterday upon the stair
|
||||
I met a man who wasn't there.
|
||||
He wasn't there again today.
|
||||
I think he's from the CIA.
|
||||
%
|
||||
Ye've also got to remember that ... respectable people do the most
|
||||
astonishin' things to preserve their respectability. Thank God
|
||||
I'm not respectable.
|
||||
@ -54381,11 +54002,7 @@ You can bear anything if it isn't your own fault.
|
||||
%
|
||||
You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it
|
||||
doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on.
|
||||
-- Hepler, CS, University of Washington
|
||||
%
|
||||
You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it
|
||||
doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on.
|
||||
-- Hepler, Systems Design 182
|
||||
-- Hepler, Systems Design 182, University of Washington
|
||||
%
|
||||
You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you
|
||||
know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains...
|
||||
@ -54411,11 +54028,7 @@ You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.
|
||||
%
|
||||
You can do this in a number of ways. IBM chose to do all of them.
|
||||
Why do you find that funny?
|
||||
-- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350
|
||||
%
|
||||
You can do this in a number of ways. IBM chose to do all of them.
|
||||
Why do you find that funny?
|
||||
-- D. Taylor, CS, University of Washington
|
||||
-- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350, University of Washington
|
||||
%
|
||||
You can do very well in speculation where
|
||||
land or anything to do with dirt is concerned.
|
||||
|
Loading…
Reference in New Issue
Block a user